so yeah
i think i need an AIM talk again... cuz i'm down

thanks for today... not for the ending...
but for a majority of the day
it was fun... not counting the times when people were annoyed with not deciding on where we were going
it sucks being so indecisive... no one agrees on anything
sometimes, it isn't easy trying to please everyone's needs

after dance practice-- ay... so hard... why is it so hard to pick a place to go to?
bowling? oh... lanes are closed
so we have to spend a long time in the parking lot figuring out where we all want to go
not everyone wants to laser tag, not everyone wants to ice skate... not everyone wants to go to the skate park/putt putt/go-kart... it's just all crazy
i mean i don't really mind just staying in the parking lot... it doesn't take a lot to amuse me
i'm fine with just chilling... i don't get bored easily as you know
but it just sucks knowing that there are a few people that get annoyed with the indecisiveness
but maybe they should stop turning down every suggestion
but everything turned out ok in the end

wow God, i even saw clint clapping for my strike =)... wait... i need another one =)
i'm happy things are going in the right direction =)
Thanks God... i mean i know it's not how i wished things would be... i know i wish i coulda actually talked to him and tell him how i feel
but God, i trust you... and if this is the only way we're going to talk again... then so be it
cuz we both know that i'm just the scaredest cat out there
and u worked ur wonders to make us both "ok"
i know i wish things were back to how they used to be
but at least we're both not sitting in our corners crying about how we're both not talking to the other
i was surprised God, he was actually trying to teach me something... THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
THANK YOU for making things not weird anymore
i never wanted things to be that way... i love clint
what sucks for me though, is i want him to "play" with me again
i miss it God..... but if time is the only healing thing out there... then i shall take it
if it takes me another week or two (or longer... please not longer) to get back to where we were at... i'll take it... just as long as we get back there
unless i messed up too much... but i just want everything to be forgotten (the bad stuff)

but thanks God... seriously... i don't know how much i want to thank you that we're finally interacting again... yeah, no hug good bye at the end... but what do you expect from me?
yeah i know.. initiative... but i'm such a wussy
but thanks... i think i realized that we were somewhat ok when he was clapping the bamboo and i stepped on it which jammed his finger so he was like "OOOOOW" and smiling and looking at me... and i was smiling and looking at him and said "sorry"...
yeah God... sometimes it's weird... but i'll deal for now... thanks
thanks for helping me/him realize that we don't want to be mad at eachother
drama is so not the answer, ya know?

but maybe this whole "not talking" thing was made worse because people were "forcing" us to interact and making a big ass deal about it... sorry about the word "ass"
cuz i think people saying things to clint... well i think it made him get sadder about the situation

now all ya gotta do is get me to start talking to rich
hahahahahahahahah
even though he is annoying me with his attitude
what's wrong with him? is he mad at me still?
i don't want him to be
i just want to start talking to him again
but it's kinda hard when he goes out of his way to ignore me... even though i do the same... but that's besides the point
i don't want it to be this way
God, i need friends at school
and i'm kicking myself in the butt for not doing anything about it
like when he would ask me to go somewhere, i wouldn't go
why didn't i? why was i scared back then? i liked him... why didn't i go?

oh and thanks for mikey... he was there for me when i didn't want to be partnered up with Jay
i know it's bad God... but thanks for sending someone in the same boat as me with not liking the people that like us
he understands where i'm coming from and that's why i love it

i was happier today... not yesterday though
i don't understand what's wrong with my dad... all he had to do was say "no you can't go anywhere today"... but the problem was, whenever we asked if we could leave, he'd walk away and wouldn't answer
and you know it makes me angry whenever he's like "where are you going now?"
and i was putting my sleeping shirt on ?!?!!??! i don't know
sorry for getting frustrated but i can't help it

haha.. can i use that word?
he's like not happy or something
and nik thought rich was mad at him...
so the world is confusing

i just hope all will turn well in the end
ok and
thank u for sending me mike and luis yesterday...
mike made me laugh so hard like you wouldn't even believe
it reminded me of old times with rich
geez... i can never get away from that, can i?
happy happy joy joy for now

i hate waiting though.. could you please contact marv and tell him i'm waiting?
love you mucho

he deserves better treatment
and i didn't want him to keep hoping, spending money on me... whatever
i just wanted him to move on
cuz i couldn't handle this anymore
i'm out of my wazoo with problems, and i needed to get rid of one

i can't believe i did that God... I brought it up... ME... faith... i should pat myself on the back
i guess if i really put my mind to it... i can do it
if i feel that i NEED to do it, i can do it

So take care of him God... and please send him someone good
i don't know why he would like me... he's a really good person

so yeah God... thank you for helping me realize some of my negative characteristics
maybe i needed this "fight" with clint to get me to realize how mean i am
i know i've done it in the past... but i guess it takes someone to stop talking to you in order for me to do something about it
what i do ask of you god, is for you to help me fix this

God, i want things to be fun again
and probably... he wasn't having fun when i was

i care about him God
i just wish he knew
and i know that i probably would have to tell him that in order for him to understand... right?
i guess sometimes people can't really tell what you feel until you actually tell them
i didn't realize he thought that about me
and it kinda hurts that he sees me as cold
yes, sometimes it may seem like i care about nothing
but no one really takes the time to ask me

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
i can't believe he thought that
no wonder he made those comments
whenever he said stuff about me... like "who cares about faith"
i took it as a joke