Dear God

Aug 18, 2006

You are mine

it's been awhile.. eh?

Dear God,
help me...
tomorrow's the big day
i'm scared
i practiced my verbal... and if i do "good" on that again... i will be greatful
... it would also be helpful if i understood the physical sciences... but who knows

God... help me to understand what's going on tomorrow
i'm scared... please watch over me and my sister
relieve me of my stress and pressure so that i may concentrate and focus on what the question is really asking me...

help me to focus God... please...
help me to know what i'm doing
i'm not asking for much God... just a decent score to get me in
a score that i will be confident with

i'm scared
i'm scared of letting down my parents... and of letting myself down, God
i don't want to be a waste of potential God
this is what i want to do... i'm just unsure because i don't know if i can make it
but if i do... i really want it God

that's why i'm so scared

what will happen to me if i don't get the score God
pharmacy?... i'm not even sure what i would say about that
but just thinking about helping other people through this God... it gives me something to be happy about... even if it is "selfish" good duty...

love you much God

Do not be afraid I am with you. I have called you each by name.
Come and follow me. I will bring you home.
I love you and you are mine.

Posted at 01:50 pm by xXskylacXx
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Jan 30, 2005

what's going on

Dear God.....

i always feel that i haven't written here in a long time
i wish i could move this site

but anyways
i'm totally lost
not only with my own life.... but with janice's

just take care of her God
i don't know what she's doing
what she's thinking

but could you just make sure she's safe
and i hope she knows what she's doing
i bet she never thought everything would turn into this

but i don't know, i'm not in her shoes
i don't know what i woulda done

but i do think that tita acted in the wrong way
i know she's attached to her daughter
but ....... i don't know

i don't know GOd
i don't think i really want to talk about this
i don't know what to really say
i don't really know what's going on

?1?!?!?

Posted at 07:23 pm by xXskylacXx
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Jan 28, 2005

lost and confused

hey there... haven't been here in a while
i'm not sure if it's cuz i just don't feel like talking about my selfish problems
i think i am being selfish, in ways

when i don't like things... is it cuz i'm jealous?

God just help me find the way to be happy
that's the department i have trouble with a lot
or maybe it's just cuz i never realize when i am happy
i only view the downsides................

who knows

maybe i'm just down now cuz i feel like the world is against me
that the world doesn't like me
no one wants to reply back to me
i just wanted to play volleyball God
is that so much to ask?
but no one wants to reply

is she mad at me or something?

i don't wanna seem rash...
but i feel like everyone's mad at me
no one wants to txt me back

janice is probably mad at me
i have a big mouth
i just don't know how to keep quiet, huh God

i just can't make everyone happy if i'm not happy, right

i am selfish

Posted at 10:24 am by xXskylacXx
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Jan 8, 2005

The purse

Hey God,

long time no write-sy's

i just read someone's comment... i find it odd i get those
but it's cool
it gives me more insight from other people that love You

Anyways God, i've just been talking to You at night
i know i've been a lil out of it at church
i don't know what's wrong with me

i think i think too much

but yeah.......
what to do about "eastwood"...
i'm guessing i'm going to have to stick to those names for now...
it's more comfortable for me
Just guide me God

oh yes... my PURSE

i don't know what you had in store for me God
i don't think i did anything with it... if you had some type of message
not that it was all in waste... because... i still love You

ok....... so me getting outta the car....
i feel like i had a feeling that something with my purse would be involved
and i should leave it there
but i was thinking... what if i need it?

so i grabbed it... everything flew... i was already late...
but i grabbed the necessary stuff... and bolted...

then... as i was at the mall parking lot... i realized i never grabbed my purse as i left
thanks for the photographic memory-- occasional photographic memory

yelling on the phone-- sorry... but can you blame a girl in panic?
but i wasn't yelling at them ... i was yelling cuz i was ... well, panicked

and then i got back to school... who knows... i lost 2 quarters cuz the meter didn't work... but whatever
and .......... i ran to the room to find... nothing
complete and utter lostness in feelings
what do i do now?
the school's closed... the teacher didn't see it...
emptiness... mostly cuz the empty room

but wow, goodness God... "are you looking for a purse?"
the maintenance guy was there... was this all supposed to happen God?
i don't know
what was i supposed to do?
i was too happy to react

was that telling me not to go to the mall
i don't know... i can't really read into this
but i'm just thankful that you watched over me
especially with me driving 90 mph down the freeway back to school

whatever it was... thanks God for ... i dont' know if this purse deal is a big deal
but thanks for taking care of me
i love you muchos God...
kudos

Posted at 11:54 am by xXskylacXx
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Dec 4, 2004

what's going on

so God... can you explain to me what's going on?
cuz i'm having problems here
i don't know what's going on

afraid to face what's there

i know i've asked you to show me something.. ANYTHING to let me know if anything's still there
and i dont' know if i make things outta nothing or what
ok... i do like to make things out of things...but i don't know if they're really nothings

are they really anything
things always happen when i ask you to show me something
but i don't know if it's just pure coincidence

and i hate feeling like i'm just ... a dummy thinking about fate and stuff
ok... so yeah. i may be a dummy
but it's cuz i have nothing better to do than to make wishes

i asked you once if i should let it go
the next day he miraculously found me at church
i thought that was crazy
i asked you about him now, now that i have a clint issue
and ... did he?... say hey?...
i don't know

everything's confusing
i think it was a hey
what was it God? and i'm so sorry that i didn't do anything
i wish i could just speak up
but i get frozen... and before i know it.. the moment's gone

wow God, and i actually felt like i had courage that day
boy was i wrong
i wish i had courage to say something smart after we passed
but.. i was surprised... mind went blank... moment passed
that's how it goes

well... just bless me and this weekend
love you much God
guide me

Posted at 02:31 pm by xXskylacXx
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Nov 29, 2004

help

Goodness God, help me figure this out
either help me fix this problem... or get me through it

cuz i don't know what i'm doing
lead me please

Posted at 07:21 am by xXskylacXx
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Nov 28, 2004

nobody

geez God... i thought i'd be over this
ok that kinda sorta made no sense at all
but i don't quite understand much of anything right now
i'm all confuzzled

nobody... nobody is who i'm gonna end up with
why? because!
i'm too picky for much of anything else

i told you i stopped believing in miracles with my love life
i plan on being an old maid for the rest of my life
do i want that to happen?
no... but it's what i'm expecting with the way things are turning out
i'm not sure why i'm writing about this God
i'm not sure if it's cuz i want a pity party from you
but i can't blame you for who i am God

i'm just ... too... COMPLICATED
nothing is right for me
and if i don't get what i want... i don't want much of anything else
can you say spoiled God?

nothing will ever work out for me if i continue this way
i was looking for miracles, something, anything
any glimmer of hope that would direct me to the path i want to go
but it looks as if that doors been blocked... locked shut

and i know i'm supposed to look for other doors... new ones
but i don't see why i have to find a new door with another person
i see a door... but i don't know if i want it opened

i'm confused about everything and i don't know what i want outta my life
things never go right for me...
but who can i blame but myself?

i'm lonely for a reason
and that's because i don't want to let anyone in
since people don't meet my standards, i don't want them to see who i truley am

i used to think that things were easy... either i'm attracted to him, or i'm not
and that's the list
what i didn't expect was someone who's totally NOT my list
as in NOT NOT NOT my list
but still liking his personality

i know i love the guy God, but i'm not sure if i love him in that way if you catch my drift
i'm not sure if i want more
i'm not even sure what we have in common
God... what am i to do
i was hoping this wasn't going to come up

i was hoping he would just NOT tell me... ya know... if he did like me
i was kinda hoping he liked someone else
though i'd be jealous... but it would make things a lot easier on me

that's what's wrong with me God
i just want the easy way
i don't want risks
i don't want to mess anything up
i just want things the way they are
but in a messed up kinda way, i want a guy perfect for me
which is... my list

i know not many people can fit my list
and i'm saying not many... because someone did fit the list
and if i wasn't talking to you GOd, i would be swearing at him right now
wonderful, aren't i?

i'm just a lil p.o.ed at how things don't go my way all the time
and i think that's why i can't do anything with ... you know
i'm still hung up with mr. perfect
i have to let go

plus... i think it would be kinda weird...
it's clint... i love him like i love tyrone
?!?!??!?!?!?
GOd, what are you putting me through
he's not MY TYPE
he's got a great personality... but... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh God
he's like everything that's NOT on the list
and i know i shouldn't be like this
but ?!?!??!?!?
i'm messed up...
help me out God
and i just can't pretend like i didn't read it
can i?!?!?!??!
what am i supposed to do?
guide me God...

ugh... and i know i'm trying to get over it
but if there's any chance... could you... you know, fix things?
is there any way?
i just wish i could get in his brain and see where he's at
yes i'm not as crazed
but i just want to know if we can still be friends

Posted at 06:49 pm by xXskylacXx
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Oct 25, 2004

you gave me what i was looking for

hallo there God
i asked, and i guess You somewhat delivered
and if You didn't mean it that way... who cares...
cuz i still believe that everything happens through You
so even if You had no intentions of making it into what i made out of it
i am still taking it as it is

something that will help me to move along
some part of me wishes this wasn't how i would learn things
i wish i could learn these things from a certain someone's mouth
which would mean we were friends again

You see God?
i don't care about him being, ya know... but i just want to be friends
i NEED friends God... and from what i did this weekend
maybe i don't deserve some of them

that was completely out of line for me...
i shouldn't act out of implusive revenge
will i apologize? yes, to some extent
but will i reveal what really went on?
ABSOLUTELY not...
i don't want to make matters worse for me God

i am trying to save my own skin here

i don't know how things will turn out
but i'm hoping no one will hate me by the end of the week
what do you say God

geez, i'm trying to rid myself of problems, but there i go creating them
wow... and this one was intentional too
what was i thinking?
forgive me God... PLEASE

Anyways, i'm surprised i really wasn't affected so much
why is that?
i'd think i'd be totally depressed..... like last time
or maybe that last time took up for everything
maybe cuz i don't really feel so much.... yes maybe a bit obsessed with who i thought he was
but no pangs of distress or jealousy that he has a girl... possibly two... or none
you can never tell with that mouth of his

but what gets me, God, is... i don't know
all that talk with him before-- were those real... or was he just saying that to make me like him?
i'm not so sure anymore
but everything confuses me

when he said he was picky... i believed him
but maybe i'm taking this pickyness to an extreme, i don't know
cuz it seems to me that he's had LOTS of girlfriends
so..... was all that just a lie?

but what gets me is... why didn't he like Anna?

thank you God for listening

Posted at 04:04 pm by xXskylacXx
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Oct 24, 2004

cut away

eso es muy dificil
por que... por que?
por que el mundo es muy dificil para una chica muy pequeno?
no se? no se?

¿necesito una muestra de entender por favor puedo usted darme una muestra?
fun eh?
just ... i don't know GOd... unravel something for me
i'm tired of making big things outta nothing
i'm sick of making lil things into something
why must i be so dumb sometimes

why can't i think of something reasonable
why do i have to make up reasons to lie...

ugh GOd...
cut his locks
cut away my problems
hopefully some of that hair held some of my stubborness, my pride, and my scaredy catness
and left me with braveness
we'll see God

what was my line?
i must practice... yet again--
I don't know nik... i think he's still pulling this silent treatment buisness on me... i guess i'm really not getting anything when he becomes some big shot actor..."

Posted at 05:25 pm by xXskylacXx
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Oct 19, 2004

2 elevators

i'm guessing i have neglected this a bit
huh God?

I just want to say thank you for 2 elevators
you certainly heard my cry for help
i don't know God... when will i be ready?

when will we be ready

does he even care?
i don't know
i just hate writing my heart out about something that doesn't matter
but in my heart.. it does

but God... once again... you gave opportunity
and once again i blew it
but this was a different opportunity
what do you expect?
me to out of the blue talk?
not possible God
don't you remember my plan?
nik will bring it up... followed by my remark...
lemme write it to further remember it
"i don't know, i think he's still holding up this silent treatment... i guess that means i get nothing when he becomes that big shot actor"

i'm such a dork God
i think i'm hopeless
what do you think?
i wish you could just tell me when to let it go
on second thought... i don't want to let it go
so if you say let it go... i'd be crushed God... CRUSHED

unless you promise to finally send me a boy
unless of course you don't think i deserve it
but please don't let that be the case

why must i be so obsessed?

why must i be stuck
why am i so confused
where's my direction in life God? where?

i just wanna know where he's at God, ya know?

and i know i'll never know if i don't ask
but i just don't know if i have enough guttage to be able to do that

why do i not have guttage?
why must we be masters of avoiding eachother?
i mean if i am stuck in a place with him... just him... walking in the same direction
i will find a way around that uncomfortableness...

but..i am still looking for ways to be around
it's confusing
and i wonder if he's the same way
i wish i knew what was GOING on!!!!!!!!
God... i think there's something wrong with me
cuz some part of me thinks of fate and fantasy and all that extra mushy crap
and the other part thinks i'm... well... crazy
and i think i might be

what's wrong with me?
and you know that this not talking business kills me
ok... not as much as it used to..
but a lil

and it's funny... it's funny thinking...
when we both got to the elevator... was he wishing for a way out too?
hey... i might find that as an insult... but not if i was wishing for the same thing
i could also see that as a plus-- for alikedness
yes... i like making up words

i just wish things were how they used to be
what do you think God?
i just don't know why i care so much...
do you think i need psychiatry?

ugh... it just sucks how i liked him... and i even accepted the things i didn't like about him
when do i ever do that?
something about him changed the way i normally am around guys
why?
why him...
of all the guys... why'd it have to be him?

but God...

i think it's odd...
hehe... i don't know why
but i think it's crazy how we got to the elevator at the same time
like you planned to scare us or something

i just think it's funny
i laughed all the way to the crosswalk...
i thought it was funny how he ran away
cuz i woulda done the same thing

except i'm not as afraid anymore
i don't mind sitting directly behind him
of course i know it probably made him uncomfortable
haha... that was funny to m
but i would never sit next to him
i hope things will change God

Posted at 07:38 pm by xXskylacXx
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