2 elevators « Dear God

Oct 19, 2004

2 elevators

i'm guessing i have neglected this a bit
huh God?

I just want to say thank you for 2 elevators
you certainly heard my cry for help
i don't know God... when will i be ready?

when will we be ready

does he even care?
i don't know
i just hate writing my heart out about something that doesn't matter
but in my heart.. it does

but God... once again... you gave opportunity
and once again i blew it
but this was a different opportunity
what do you expect?
me to out of the blue talk?
not possible God
don't you remember my plan?
nik will bring it up... followed by my remark...
lemme write it to further remember it
"i don't know, i think he's still holding up this silent treatment... i guess that means i get nothing when he becomes that big shot actor"

i'm such a dork God
i think i'm hopeless
what do you think?
i wish you could just tell me when to let it go
on second thought... i don't want to let it go
so if you say let it go... i'd be crushed God... CRUSHED

unless you promise to finally send me a boy
unless of course you don't think i deserve it
but please don't let that be the case

why must i be so obsessed?

why must i be stuck
why am i so confused
where's my direction in life God? where?

i just wanna know where he's at God, ya know?

and i know i'll never know if i don't ask
but i just don't know if i have enough guttage to be able to do that

why do i not have guttage?
why must we be masters of avoiding eachother?
i mean if i am stuck in a place with him... just him... walking in the same direction
i will find a way around that uncomfortableness...

but..i am still looking for ways to be around
it's confusing
and i wonder if he's the same way
i wish i knew what was GOING on!!!!!!!!
God... i think there's something wrong with me
cuz some part of me thinks of fate and fantasy and all that extra mushy crap
and the other part thinks i'm... well... crazy
and i think i might be

what's wrong with me?
and you know that this not talking business kills me
ok... not as much as it used to..
but a lil

and it's funny... it's funny thinking...
when we both got to the elevator... was he wishing for a way out too?
hey... i might find that as an insult... but not if i was wishing for the same thing
i could also see that as a plus-- for alikedness
yes... i like making up words

i just wish things were how they used to be
what do you think God?
i just don't know why i care so much...
do you think i need psychiatry?

ugh... it just sucks how i liked him... and i even accepted the things i didn't like about him
when do i ever do that?
something about him changed the way i normally am around guys
why?
why him...
of all the guys... why'd it have to be him?

but God...

i think it's odd...
hehe... i don't know why
but i think it's crazy how we got to the elevator at the same time
like you planned to scare us or something

i just think it's funny
i laughed all the way to the crosswalk...
i thought it was funny how he ran away
cuz i woulda done the same thing

except i'm not as afraid anymore
i don't mind sitting directly behind him
of course i know it probably made him uncomfortable
haha... that was funny to m
but i would never sit next to him
i hope things will change God

Posted at 07:38 pm by xXskylacXx


	sarah October 19, 2004 07:42 PM PDT I know you will think you will be CRUSHED if God says let it go but.. God knows. God knows all that is coming. If you are going to be crushed, He knows. But, He also knows what He has in store for you. He knows that for the price of you being crushed, He will give you something greater. He knows what is best. So, even if it hurts, listen to Him.

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